Neko

Anonymous said: What are some jobs you'd find interesting to do just for the ironic hell of it? Have you ever spray painted graffiti dicks on a wall or public contraption? Do you have a separate blog for photography or do you basically aspire to privately improve your skills for later public realization? What kind of shoes do you prefer for running? Is asking a lot of weird strange questions like this considered creepy to you? If so then tell me straight up, I was just curious about the coolest dude ever.
  1. the word irony makes my testicles shoot up into my chest cavity i regret so much
  2. nah. a lot of people think my blasé affect means i have no regard for the law but honestly if i got caught the dongs wouldnt be worth it
  3. i have a private website/portfolio thing im building up that i dont want hitting anyones sphere of awareness just yet
  4. wooden clogs no socks
  5. it fluffs my ego
  6. thanks man maybe one day ill step down and you can take over the imposing throne of coolest dude ever

→ Jul 20 2014 / PERMALINK

(6 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: put it up your poophole and turn it into a diamond using the force of your sphincter muscles

i am doing this right now bc im impressionable i hope youre happy

→ Jul 16 2014 / PERMALINK

(12 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: 'do i look like a gigantic tool' dave do you want an honest answer 2 that question

do i look like enough of a tool to be attracted to sasuke uchiha

→ Jul 14 2014 / PERMALINK

Anonymous said: i suggest wearing the thing he finds sexiest on your ass like tight boxers or something, but with completely baggy boxers underneath so u have like puffy pants under the nice ass pants it'll really remind him of the clowns of his childhood and get him going

im gonna take a wild guess and assume no one following my blog has ever had sex or will ever have sex

→ Jul 12 2014 / PERMALINK

(25 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: Obviously you should go sit on his face, grind your ass against his mouth while you lock your hands with his, and say "butt you promised"

are you a lawyer

is this legal advice

→ Jul 12 2014 / PERMALINK

(23 notes) nsfw text Anonymous
Anonymous said: Thoughts on shriek porn!!!???

this is it

this is what having 8000 followers on tumblr dot com is like

this ask encapsulates my day to day microblogging experience

→ Jul 3 2014 / PERMALINK

(11 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: tell us your thoughts on duke nukem

if i had a dad??

it would be dukey

→ Jul 1 2014 / PERMALINK

(8 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: poor baby :( you don't like wax statues do you

no i dont

ill torch all of them into a massive collective wax puddle

sorta like the end of evangelion but rei ayanami is my flamethrower

→ Jun 27 2014 / PERMALINK

(7 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: Hi Dave! Can you tell me about your best date, your worst date, and your most embarrassing date with John?

i cant talk about the best date because there are children following my blog and it involved adult things like filing my taxes and lamenting the passing of youth unappreciated

the worst date was when we went to a wax museum??

why is it that any time a person achieves something vaguely interesting we have to make money off of their wax effigy. if i become famous dont make a wax figure of me. i will find you

the most embarrassing date was when he forced me to go to a medieval times dinner show thing because he thinks my god tier title is really funny

you could literally feel a breeze from all the 45 year old men insistently whispering to their new stepkids to call them dad. and on top of that, as if john hadnt already climbed to the height of hilarity, he told the narrator that it was “dave striders 10th birthday” so everyone in the audience had to do a shitty toast with ‘dragons blood’ (offbrand pepsicola) to my tenth birthday

→ Jun 27 2014 / PERMALINK

Anonymous said: Somebody told me you sound like an owl

what heavily incapacitated person fed you that horseshit

→ Jun 20 2014 / PERMALINK

(6 notes) Anonymous
Anonymous said: ✘✘✘

before cascade happened (when we thought john was the only one who had godtiered out of all the kids), john and dave had intended to go back into a game of sburb and make sure dave godtiered too. aka john would have to kill dave on his quest bed

this was because john was going to live forever as an immortal and dave was just a regular dude and they were both traumatized by the prospect so they decided to do something about it

Anonymous said:

i had this really convoluted idea for dave being forced to die via freak accidents on significant dates (any date with a combination of 413, 612, or 1025), and if he avoided dying on a significant date, his chances of dying on the next significant date would increase by either 4.13%, 6.12%, or 10.25%

i scrapped it because i realized i wasnt up for writing regularly scheduled horror/gore :c

i did write dave dying in a car crash once though. also daves bro perma-dying in a car crash

Anonymous said:

this is only a semi-scrapped idea (i still use elements from it): dave’s heartbeat sounds like a ticking clock!

i changed it so that it only sounds like a clock to dave, its more of a mental thing now and it makes more sense

Anonymous said:

✘✘

this blog was originally intended to be a dave for a highschoolstuck au, but none of the other blogs from the timeline ever became active, so i just found someone to be jonathanegbert and rped with him from there! (this was summer 2011)

→ Jun 17 2014 / PERMALINK

(9 notes) ooc Anonymous
Anonymous said: so did u and john ever end up doin the hecky darn. the frickle frackle. sex

you guys send my boyfriend the fucking grossest messages!! find god.

→ Jun 14 2014 / PERMALINK

Anonymous said: i saw u sneak sneak and change that i love you to ily

→ Jun 12 2014 / PERMALINK

(5 notes) damn Anonymous
Anonymous said: Why do you like dead things? I really hope this doesn't sound judgy I'm just legetimentally curious as to the appeal.

i think its cool that one day something can have a consciousness and eat and walk around and make noise and then the next day just be a motionless evacuated vessel no different from some dirt or a rock because for w/e reason the soul got the fuck out of dodge

overall ive always been really comforted by death in a weird way because at least you can depend on it as a constant

maybe when i was really young i was scared of it? so i collected dead shit to help me confront that fear in a safe way

also acting like a fucked up axe murderer to be is cute when youre seven

→ Jun 10 2014 / PERMALINK

Anonymous said: Have you ever sucked your own dick?

imagine the simple childlike joy draining out of my pathetic body when i thought i had a new message from one of my friends but found this instead

→ Jun 9 2014 / PERMALINK

(24 notes) Anonymous