i am doing this right now bc im impressionable i hope youre happy
do i look like enough of a tool to be attracted to sasuke uchiha
im gonna take a wild guess and assume no one following my blog has ever had sex or will ever have sex
are you a lawyer
is this legal advice
this is it
this is what having 8000 followers on tumblr dot com is like
this ask encapsulates my day to day microblogging experience
if i had a dad??
it would be dukey
no i dont
ill torch all of them into a massive collective wax puddle
sorta like the end of evangelion but rei ayanami is my flamethrower
i cant talk about the best date because there are children following my blog and it involved adult things like filing my taxes and lamenting the passing of youth unappreciated
the worst date was when we went to a wax museum??
why is it that any time a person achieves something vaguely interesting we have to make money off of their wax effigy. if i become famous dont make a wax figure of me. i will find you
the most embarrassing date was when he forced me to go to a medieval times dinner show thing because he thinks my god tier title is really funny
you could literally feel a breeze from all the 45 year old men insistently whispering to their new stepkids to call them dad. and on top of that, as if john hadnt already climbed to the height of hilarity, he told the narrator that it was “dave striders 10th birthday” so everyone in the audience had to do a shitty toast with ‘dragons blood’ (offbrand pepsicola) to my tenth birthday
what heavily incapacitated person fed you that horseshit
before cascade happened (when we thought john was the only one who had godtiered out of all the kids), john and dave had intended to go back into a game of sburb and make sure dave godtiered too. aka john would have to kill dave on his quest bed
this was because john was going to live forever as an immortal and dave was just a regular dude and they were both traumatized by the prospect so they decided to do something about it
i had this really convoluted idea for dave being forced to die via freak accidents on significant dates (any date with a combination of 413, 612, or 1025), and if he avoided dying on a significant date, his chances of dying on the next significant date would increase by either 4.13%, 6.12%, or 10.25%
i scrapped it because i realized i wasnt up for writing regularly scheduled horror/gore :c
i did write dave dying in a car crash once though. also daves bro perma-dying in a car crash
this is only a semi-scrapped idea (i still use elements from it): dave’s heartbeat sounds like a ticking clock!
i changed it so that it only sounds like a clock to dave, its more of a mental thing now and it makes more sense
this blog was originally intended to be a dave for a highschoolstuck au, but none of the other blogs from the timeline ever became active, so i just found someone to be jonathanegbert and rped with him from there! (this was summer 2011)
you guys send my boyfriend the fucking grossest messages!! find god.
i think its cool that one day something can have a consciousness and eat and walk around and make noise and then the next day just be a motionless evacuated vessel no different from some dirt or a rock because for w/e reason the soul got the fuck out of dodge
overall ive always been really comforted by death in a weird way because at least you can depend on it as a constant
maybe when i was really young i was scared of it? so i collected dead shit to help me confront that fear in a safe way
also acting like a fucked up axe murderer to be is cute when youre seven
imagine the simple childlike joy draining out of my pathetic body when i thought i had a new message from one of my friends but found this instead