5. “STOP MAKING JOHN CRY”
(How To Insult With Tact/Arguments/Altercations/Whatever/PLAY NICE)
When Dave insults a person, it’s 80% of the time based off of something that’s obviously something he can’t prove or verify or even really know anything about in the first place. Think extreme assumptions, that are meant to be funny.
Extreme assumptions about masturbation, or dick size, or the extent of a person’s lust for his meat, you get it. Just, gauge how much rude you’re allowed for being cool, and don’t overstep it.
[ P.S. IF YOU GET IN AN ARGUMENT, 98% OF THE TIME IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO NOT TRY TO TEAR THE OTHER PERSON LIKE, PSYCHOLOGICALLY ASUNDER. PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT DECENT HUMAN BEINGS ARE LIKE. YOUR SHIT ISN’T ALLOWED TO GET THAT RILED UP. YOU’RE TOO COOL TO GIVE A SHIT. WHY IS THIS EVEN A PROBLEM. JUST INSULT THEIR GENITALS UNTIL THEY WALK AWAY. ]
»dick references span the entire spectrum of dave’s emotional reactions«
(how to rp dave like tumblr user davidstrider which is not necessarily the same thing as rping dave WELL: part two)
this post is entirely just technical help with metaphors in relation to dave
theres a part three thats not about metaphors and its probably a lot better and ill probably end up posting it if this one actually helps anyone oh jeez
4. Get a grip on his mindset/METAPHORS FOR THE ANALOGICALLY UNEXPERIENCED/METAPHORS GONE WILD: THE DAVE STRIDER STORY/THE ‘GOOD’ STUFF/I SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON THIS THE FIRST TIME/TUMBLR WHY DID YOU DELETE MY DRAFT/I’M SO MAD I’M GONNA SHIT.
“I can’t do creative wordplay, I literally can’t, I’m not genetically programmed to be capable of doing it.”
alternatively ‘how to rp dave like me aka badly aka badly aka badly”
i figure ive been asked to make this post about 3 times so here goes (im gonna use proper syntax after this sentence so this post wont be horrible to try to read)
1) MUY IMPORTANTE!!!!!!!! Learn this, I cannot stress it enough:
Sometimes Dave is too cool to care. It is true. Science has proven it and he will give short, noncommittal answers when he does not particularly give a fuck for the conversation. If approached by someone who is clearly an entire Iron Age of tools, he probably won’t even pay attention.
This doesn’t mean that good roleplay of him can be oriented solely on three word responses due to his being too cool to care, though. If you’re going for that shit 24/7, chances are you’re coming across as a limp handshake roleplayer and that’s no good.
2) You might want to BONE UP on your word bank.
Honestly you’re not gonna hurt yourself by making an effort to level up your vocabulary. Not only will it make your Dave seem sharper, but also it’ll be useful in general irl. Dave roleplaying is kind of a good excuse to make yourself smarter.
I’m not saying that you need to go out and purchase seven vocabulary books and hire a tutor. Googling “synonym for <word>” or “<word> synonyms” is good enough, and the words actually stick after a while.
3) IDIOMS glory hallelujah let me love you down
Learn a bunch of figures of speech, sayings, and colloquialisms, primarily those of American descent. If they’re southern, extra extra bonus points yes GOOD, DO THAT. Using idioms makes Dave dialogue sound natural and culturally literate. In real life, if you hear someone say something that’s just like holy shit yes that is so righteous I’m going to use that forever now, then REMEMBER that shit. If you ever get stuck trying to think up a good retort, just recall some idiom or another and twist it around to suit your needs. An idiom can turn into a lengthy three or four line tangent, you will thank me.
EXAMPLE/A STEP BY STEP/THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID OMG IM SORRY: "I can’t think of creative stuff," you whimper softly at me. Okay then try this maybe: think of the basics of what you’re essentially going to make your Dave say, and then from there, build on it. Ex: “I’m kind of sad.” So at the core of whatever spew you’re about to write, you’re going to essentially have him say that he’s sad. Try to conjure up as many
SHIT NEVER MIND GOTTA GO TO SCHOOL, PART TWO WILL BE WHENEVER