wow i almost forgot about that precious treasure of a fanfic

if you think im getting “Saint Bran goddamn Atticus motherfucking Scordato The First, Queen of England, Queen of Las Vegas, King of Swing, Undead Nightmare King, Hallowed Saint of Void, Bane of the Undead, Sexy Jesus, Carapace Elvis, Master of Puppets, Lord of Fuck, Prince of Darkness, Duke of Shades, Knight of Cocks, Master of the Motherfucking Zombie Apocalypse, Earth’s Resident DJ Supreme, Sultan of Sardonicism, Pokemon Master, The Knight of Death, The King of Booze and Fags, The Madman of Massacre, Defender of The Earth, Lord of Supreme Badassery, Vampire Princess, Sir of The Extremely Extensive Title, Supreme Ruler of The Universe, Carebear Extraordinaire, Baron of Booze, The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit, Potentate of Playlists, Sultan of Sex, Giver of Gore, Heir of Hemophilia, The Instigator of Underwear, King of Everything, Sexy Bitch, Marquis of Marionettes, Lord of the Dance, Archbishop of Asskickery, Ambassador of Funkytown, Minister of Unmannerly Rhymes, Chairman of Chill, Destroyer of Inhibitions, Tempter of Mankind, Tamer of Droogs, President of Jiveland, Earl of Boogie, Grand Poobah of Pure Unadulterated Cool, Farfegnugen Strudel Rhubarb Pie the Third Queen of Switzerland, King of the Bäckerei, Duke of Danishes and Assorted Baked Sundries, The Rustler of Jimmies, Carapace Cock Connoisseur, Sith Lord and Overall Hardboiled Badass Motherfucker” tattooed on my ass youve got another thing coming

sardonicpuppeteer replied to your post:

I think it’s kinda expected to think that way? Considering you have alternates and shit, it’s a pretty expected reaction to having hundreds of other yous tiptoeing through life’s tulips. I know you won’t be replaced, though.

yeah

i just wish theyd have the common decency to be allergic to the tulips is all

… uh

um

yeah i guess i wouldnt mind doing that

i want to pay you back some day

for everything youve given me

i know it probably doesnt matter much since youre so rich anyway but ill rest easier knowing that i intend to pay you back eventually

sardonicpuppeteer replied to your post:

Which closet?

second floor hallway im really sorry by the way

the popular theory in my inbox is that i mustve tried to play hide and seek or went on an adventure or something and got stuck in it

fun times all around for baby me?? i hope i wasnt terrified or anything that wouldve sucked

TG: hey so
TG: im really grateful to you for a lot of things
TG: namely giving me and john a place to stay and for helping john out
TG: also those silly stickers you give me when you think ive done something awesome
TG: those make me feel really good
TG: like someones bolstering the feeble last bastion of my secretly nonexistent self-esteem
TG: are you like somehow aware of my being starved for approval dont hold out on me if you are because

— 

TG: i really hope im not your dave like dickhead said
TG: i barely talk to you and i dont want to be your dave
TG: i hope you dont think of me that way
TG: i dont think you do
TG: youre one of the few guys i think i trust to consider daves their own individual persons

—

TG: why did you tell him you didnt want him

—

TG: what if my brother didnt want me either 

—

TG: man i really want to hang out with you and get to know you and stuff but its just weird
TG: its always been kinda weird because i feel like im betraying my bro when i stay in your house or live off of your money
TG: i know you dont consider yourself a bro strider any more but its just

dont judge me i pay taxes

its ok dude

ive already seen your dick on more than one occasion

er bran

can you hook me up with some sartorial paraphernalia if possible

sardonicpuppeteer replied to your post:

I’m proud.

broderick gave me a fake id for my last birthday

i think that alone entitles him to some sort of nobel prize